FEAR/APPRECIATION

I thought I’ll start a journal on my blog because I don’t know what’s there ahead of me.  For all I know, I will accidentally lost my balance while standing, trip off and hit my head on the floor and never wake up forever, so you have my blog to read.

I was walking next to Sandra and I saw everyone was looking at us.  I thought “wow” I am a head turner now?  However, that was not the case I was walking with a tall good looking western lady, so everyone is ogling. I told Sandra I am not going to walk next to her as I look like a hobbit next to her and someone might tell me to shave my feet!

Sandra is in her late twenties and I’m already in my 40’s but we had wonderful time together. We laughed at everything, finding joke even from simple seafood we saw at the wet market. We shared pictures of our dream guys, sexy hot photos of celebrities and laugh at it.  I was like in my twenties too which was a good break from my normal serious routine. 

I shared my greatest fear which is dying. I don’t know why all of the sudden sometimes I have this crazy thoughts about “what if I die, I can’t see everyone anymore.”   I didn’t think of anything but all of the sudden it just pop up. It’s one of the reasons as well, why I don’t read posts in facebook about people who died.  

Sandra was too nice in giving me inspirational link to read in accepting our fears. Although, I can’t still accept the fact that we are heading towards the destination of being buried 30 feet under the ground. I know everyone will die. But I just had that fear. The reason I wrote this journal is because maybe tomorrow I won’t wake up anymore, at least you all know.  I have enjoyed my youth and I appreciate the love and care of my family, my siblings whom I often talk on the phone and my nephew and nieces whom I always joke around with.

I also appreciate the people that made me happy from friends to lovers. To Paul, my ex, who never forget to greet me a happy birthday in advance. I am surprised you remember me actually. But thank you. I know you will read my blog and I am glad you do. 

My appreciation as well for that one person that makes me happy nowadays, I won’t mention names but I know that you knew who you are. No matter how short our time is, I love every minute of it. Thank you for letting me be myself when I am with you. 

Alright that's my journal for this day.