Random Thoughts

Chocolates anyone?  I am having one now, so I thought I’ll be nice and invite you.

Anyway, I am in the mood to write my thoughts that’s why I’m being generous of posting my “trashes” here.  

This blog is my outlet when I am happy, sad, angry, crazy, emotional, has visited a destination on leisure or just being me.

It’s my blog, so I can talk rubbish and you don’t have to be nice to read it unless of course you are interested to know the “garbage” story of my life’s journey.

 

Curious what’s my trash story today?  

At work, I have what I called “fake days” and today was one of those. 

Big percentage of those fake days consists of handover days.  Why? It’s because I have to say “thank you” for the support and compliment the team I was working with even though it’s not how I feel or I don’t feel what I say.  

I have to leave, so I can’t utter a word of criticism.  Although sometimes I wanted to shout “I am glad I am out here! I can’t stand the way your mind works!” Oh, I love to say that sometimes.  

But this is a corporate world I have to be nice otherwise I can’t win respect, that’s why I called it “fake days.” 

                                               

Fake because I showed concerned when some people were worried. Fake because I joined in the sadness when some people expressed unhappiness just because they can’t see me every day anymore. 

Fake because I cheered with those who were happy that I won’t be bitching at them anymore.   Fake because I know it’s not how I feel. 

It’s not what I wanted to do.  You might be saying I am too hypocrite to say this but trust me I did several handovers already that I can’t feel anything anymore. 

Sometimes I even felt like throwing up thinking about the fake statements I have to say.  You can’t blame me my movement is quite fast that  hardened my feelings. It’s just work and I don’t put emotions to it.

For you to understand why I kept moving around, my boss has expanded the scope of his business and my role is to represent him, so it’s highly mobile. Wherever there is pre-opening, taking over slow performing assets, and risk management, I will be there. The shortest is one month where I have to cover when there’s no appointed leader yet.  I don’t have idea why I landed into this job when it’s not in my dream lists.  

But I am thankful for the opportunity anyway, except that it’s not easy with all the stress that goes with it.

The fact as well that it’s highly mobile also I can’t be consistent in building friendship.  Women friends, yeah loads but I can’t hardly had enough time chatting about shoes or dresses with them. Men friends, yeah many but oftentimes I can only go out for a chat once. The rest, I don’t have idea what went wrong why there’s no interest to see them again.  Some landed in my FB friends lists though.   

I can only remember one person that I was consistent with. It was with Mr. Clouds when I know he won’t stay long. 

Perhaps because we have common denominator, Halong and Hanoi?.  Or maybe because of the catch and play game? Oh well, Mr. Clouds, whatever it was, your charm worked well with me. 

 

Too flattering you looked for me after almost two years. But like a soap bubble, one touch you’re gone leaving behind the Hanoi playlists we both listened. Oh, so nice to remember your memories while listening to Bieber’s remix Despacito and Clean bandit’s Rockabye.   It lightened my day and made me smile.  

I remember the last words over coconut coffee smoothie, “see you when I see you” and I was tempted to answer “not when I see you first!” J           

Oh well, there’s my rubbish story. Putting my thoughts in writing, so when Alzheimer’s disease hit me one day I have something to read.